Bébé Maybe

I have honestly felt pretty happy lately. I like not working full-time and having more time for things I enjoy. I've been doing lots of reading, writing, picture projects (scrapbooking, organizing old pictures), and walks around the neighborhood listening to podcasts. I also like spending more time with David. And always getting enough sleep! My alarm for work used to go off at 5:40am. Now every day when I wake up (usually around 7:00), I am fully charged and relaxed. Yesterday, however, I was feeling some annoying waves of pessimism. An online meeting was scheduled for all of the aides at school. Pessimist me wondered if they were going to stop paying us. Instead, they want us to be more involved. And the meeting started with the principal holding me up and an example and praising me because I have already been helping a student. Why is my inclination to always assume the worst??? The scarier thing that I've been feeling pessimistic about is an upcoming test at th...

I've never really been someone to just let things go. I always need to know the WHY. So today I feel like wondering about the 'why.' Specifically, why are we going through this? And why do I feel like I can't tell anyone about it? Over the years we have come up with lots of (sometimes rather depressing theories) about why this was happening to us. -As a punishment (this is something we both periodically torture ourselves with... maybe because I did this, this is happening, etc.) -Because for the most part we've had healthy, happy lives... and everyone needs to have trials in life in order to grow from them -Because it will make us better parents in the long run... after going through so much to have kids, it changes your whole perspective about appreciating your children as miracles and blessings -Maybe our kid/kids will be really difficult or sick or disabled.... and by going through this trial it would help us see the positive in even having any chi...