Bébé Maybe

Two days ago I had my cerclage surgery. I'm so so happy it's over with!!! It wasn't easy to walk through those doors. I had to go to the same hospital where I found out that Christian died and gave birth to him. It's been a little over 5 months since those awful days, but every detail is extremely fresh in my memory. For months I had daily flashbacks and nightmares about every tiny detail of that experience. It got much better since starting the IVF process again, which gave me some hope and something else to focus on.  IVF working, being pregnant again, and getting our puppy have all my mental state as well. But I do still relive those moments. Maybe weekly instead of multiple times a day/ for hours while I'm trying to sleep... but it's still not easy. That said, I was pretty nervous about having to go back. Even worse, my procedure was in the Labor and Delivery area.  I understand that's where these doctors work, but it seems pretty cruel to make anyone ge...

I'm lucky to have had ultrasounds at least every 2 weeks, but those 2 weeks definitely feel forever long! The day of the ultrasound I feel immense relief, and then pretty carefree for a few days. Then the doubt starts to creep in and and I start to feel gradually more and more stressed until my next appointment. I'm guessing that's pretty common for anyone who's had an "I'm sorry, there's no heartbeat" ultrasound. Thankfully, today is a day of immense relief. I had my 12 week ultrasound today and it went really well. It's fun now to actually be able to see things more clearly and to see the baby wiggle around. It was also nice that it was a more detailed ultrasound and not just a heartbeat check. This one was a "first trimester screening" where they can take a preliminary look at the body/organs and measure the nuchal translucency (meaning the amount of fluid in the back of the neck- extra fluid can indicate a genetic disorder). They shou...