Over the last month or two, I have felt a lot more at peace with our infertility struggles and the the fact that we need to do IVF.
I'm not 100% sure what brought about this change in attitude, but here are some of my thoughts.
-The shock has worn off. I've never been great at adjusting when things don't go the way I expect them to. It tends to make me feel anxious, even when it's something small (like my schedule is changed #iknowthatsdumb). Now that it's been almost 6 months since we were told that IVF is our only choice, I've had the time to adjust, get used to the idea, do lots of research, and grieve.
-I'm just excited to try any freaking form of treatment!! In over 3 years of infertility, we have never been been able to try any kind of treatment. No medication, no procedures, nothing. Even though the form of treatment we're about to try is pretty terrifying, it makes me so happy that we get to try something. The day I found out that we could officially be put on the schedule for IVF, I SOBBED tears of joy. I wasn't expecting that, but it really filled me with happiness that we could finally have hope.
-I've been trying to see things from the perspective that every single person on this planet goes through trials in life. In the grand scheme of things, my life has been pretty darn easy and happy. I have been lucky enough to have been raised in a loving family, live in a safe and comfortable place, and have good health and access to good medical care. I was able to get a good education, travel the world, and have a loving marriage.
I'm not 100% sure what brought about this change in attitude, but here are some of my thoughts.
-The shock has worn off. I've never been great at adjusting when things don't go the way I expect them to. It tends to make me feel anxious, even when it's something small (like my schedule is changed #iknowthatsdumb). Now that it's been almost 6 months since we were told that IVF is our only choice, I've had the time to adjust, get used to the idea, do lots of research, and grieve.
-I'm just excited to try any freaking form of treatment!! In over 3 years of infertility, we have never been been able to try any kind of treatment. No medication, no procedures, nothing. Even though the form of treatment we're about to try is pretty terrifying, it makes me so happy that we get to try something. The day I found out that we could officially be put on the schedule for IVF, I SOBBED tears of joy. I wasn't expecting that, but it really filled me with happiness that we could finally have hope.
-I've been trying to see things from the perspective that every single person on this planet goes through trials in life. In the grand scheme of things, my life has been pretty darn easy and happy. I have been lucky enough to have been raised in a loving family, live in a safe and comfortable place, and have good health and access to good medical care. I was able to get a good education, travel the world, and have a loving marriage.
Conclusion: my life doesn't suck.
Last week I listened to this old talk from President Monson, and it kind of expresses the attitude that I'm trying to make myself have (it's hard, I'm stubborn).
"Our Heavenly Father, who gives us so much to delight in, also knows that we learn and grow and become stronger as we face and survive the trials through which we must pass. We know that there are times when we will experience heartbreaking sorrow, when we will grieve, and when we may be tested to our limits. However, such difficulties allow us to change for the better, to rebuild our lives in the way our Heavenly Father teaches us, and to become something different from what we were—better than we were, more understanding than we were, more empathetic than we were, with stronger testimonies than we had before.
This should be our purpose—to persevere and endure, yes, but also to become more spiritually refined as we make our way through sunshine and sorrow. Were it not for challenges to overcome and problems to solve, we would remain much as we are, with little or no progress toward our goal of eternal life. The poet expressed much the same thought in these words:
Good timber does not grow with ease,
The stronger wind, the stronger trees.
The further sky, the greater length.
The more the storm, the more the strength.
By sun and cold, by rain and snow,
In trees and men good timbers grow.8
Only the Master knows the depths of our trials, our pain, and our suffering. He alone offers us eternal peace in times of adversity."
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