2 months

As of a few days ago on Monday, I'm considered 2 months pregnant. 

Wait... let's rewind. Just over a week ago (on 11/2), when I was considered 7 weeks, I kind of saw the baby for the first time. I say kind of because it was an incredibly grainy, blurry image. I basically saw a tiny blob. The cool part was that I caught a glimpse of the flicker that's the heartbeat.

That was exciting. The part that made me a little nervous (there always has to be something lol) was that it looked a little smaller than it should have. I mean, at that point the baby is only about the size of the cheerio. Apparently it's pretty hard to measure something that's that tiny, plus it wasn't positioned close to the wand so it was hard to see. That said, I have hope that the size is fine but it was just too difficult to get a clear measurement.

That doesn't mean I wasn't eagerly awaiting the next ultrasound. The doctor said that if by the next one it had grown and still had a heartbeat obviously, that I would officially "graduate" from the fertility clinic and be able to transfer to a normal OB in my area.

Of course it's 2020, so things couldn't be that easy. I was supposed to go in 2 days ago. But I was sick over the weekend (felt like a cold) so I had to quarantine myself just in case.

Unfortunately now it's looking even more likely that it might actually be the Covid because one of the teachers I work closely with has it.

I haven't been to school all week. I had a nasal test today that will hopefully let me know one way or another. I'm not really concerned health-wise because I already feel better... but I want my ultrasound now!!!

Right now I have it rescheduled for Friday, but of course I'll have to cancel if I do have it.

I've probably typed these words before on this blog, but I'd like to reiterate that I HATE not knowing things! I can deal with things when I know them, but not knowing is terrible.

It's been 10 days since the last ultrasound and I'm dying to know what's going on in there.

I feel like if this one goes well, I might actually start believing that I'm going to have a baby.

This week I was trying to research OBs and I felt so stupid. How do I describe it... like I didn't deserve to go to one because I don't know if it will actually work out. I almost feel embarrassed to waste one of those doctor's time. I get that it's an irrational feeling but I can't shake it.

In good news, it's been amazing to have a few days off of work. I've been busy and tired for months, it's great to have a little break! 

In other good news, I've continued to be nauseous at some point every day. Even that I doubt though. I haven't actually thrown up, does that mean I'm making it up in my head? Probably not.

Fingers crossed that someday, somehow I will get my good news ultrasound soon!