Sick

I was very excited to feel nauseous for the first time in October. At that time I was 6 weeks pregnant and it helped reassure me. 

I really did feel a wave of happiness every time I had a wave of nausea. 

Now I'm 16 weeks and still feeling a lot of nausea. I can't say I feel happy every time anymore, but I can still honestly say that I really don't mind. I'm not moping about it. In the grand scheme of things, it is not important at all.

But I did have to make a difficult decision.

Every day, all day nausea started when I was about 8 weeks pregnant at the beginning of November. That was during my quarantine. I had Covid but was not actually sick (beyond a mildly stuffy nose), and was SO thankful to conveniently have 2 weeks off of work just as the nausea ramped up. Naive little me thought that maybe the worst of it would be over by the time I went back to work.

Lol.

I went back to work the week of Thanksgiving, and since then every single day was a struggle. I did take off a few days here and there, but every day that I did go involved a lot of miserable moments. 

Unfortunately it was not the type of job where I could just sit behind a desk. It was the type of job where I had to keep a big group of mostly cute but sometimes whiny and unruly children in line. Please just picture me for a moment sitting there trying not to throw up while things happen like someone gets upset and runs away and you have to chase them around the school, or a few boys start throwing something that belongs to a girl and you have all of the girls crying to you and telling you you're a bad teacher for not stopping it and all of the boys playing keep away from you. It's great. You know, I actually did like my job... just not when I wasn't feeling well.

I started having to wake up for work much earlier because of the multiple gagging breaks. While trying to get ready I would start gagging and have to lay down for a few minutes to get it to stop. Sounds fun, right?

I also threw up at work several times, including one memorable experience outside on the playground. One silver lining is that when I'm home I've rarely thrown up because usually laying down and taking it easy is enough to get it to calm down.

Before you ask, yes- I probably have tried whatever remedy you want to suggest. The only thing I've found that helps is taking it easy and eating frequent snacks. I have to say that being lazy and eating snacks is not a bad lifestyle.

A few weeks ago I spoke to the school about going part-time because I still wanted to be involved. This was my third year working at this school (second year in current job), and I have enjoyed it there. I also really hated the idea of not fulfilling the commitment I made and throwing things off and making it more stressful for everyone else.

But then over winter break I paid close attention to the way I felt and ultimately determined that I could have made it to work about half of the days of break (other half was spent on the couch not moving at all), and that even on the days I could have made it I would have felt pretty miserable.

So towards the end of of break I bit the bullet and decided to quit. I have mixed feelings about this. I will miss a lot of the kids and my coworkers, and I feel guilty and kind of like I'm being a weakling. On the other hand I'm SO happy to not have the stress of working while not feeling well and I'm excited to be able to rest and relax as needed.

I kept thinking the sickness would end any day, but now that I'm a month past when it ends for most women and it hasn't let up at all (if anything it's gotten worse)- I don't think I had much of a choice. I just couldn't be a reliable employee.

It was always the plan to not work anymore after the baby is born anyways. So shout out to retiring early and being here to bother David while he works from home.

In conclusion, I don't feel well at all but I am in good spirits. The only thing that matters is that the baby gets here safely.

I need to stop writing now, because believe it or not... writing about being nauseous is making me very nauseous hahaha. #joysofmotherhood