Almost

Well, I almost made it out the door to go to church in-person today!

I wanted to go because David was playing piano for a musical number, and I'm disappointed in myself that I couldn't bring myself to do it.

I even got completely ready including my pretty shoes.

But as it got closer I started feeling more and more nervous, so I gave up and just watched online again in my safe little cocoon.

I'm nervous about seeing people for the first time (I don't want anyone to mention anything "I'm sorry," etc. or give me pity looks). I was planning on getting there a minute late and leaving a minute early to avoid talking to anyone, but the other problem is that I'm afraid to see pregnant women or babies (especially people that I used to be pregnant at the same time as).

I know I would cry if I see that. The reminder that it works out for almost 100% of everyone else is still too raw. I have a hard time not crying when I see random pregnant women in stores... it's so much worse if I know them and used to talk to them about being pregnant together.

Besides almost making it to church, it's almost IVF cycle time. I mean, technically it's already started. But if my appointment goes well tomorrow our transfer will be officially scheduled for next week and I'll start shots.

This could be my last week not being pregnant.