Bébé Maybe

When my parents were over the other day, I was asking if I acted like Magnolia does as a newborn. But... shocker... that was a really long time ago and they don't really remember. So here's my attempt to document a little bit of what our first month with Magnolia has been like. We can't believe she's one month old! In general, I would say she is more chill than I expected. That might be because I tend to expect the worst, but for months I was researching what it's like to have a newborn and it seemed pretty common to expect a lot of crying and the baby not wanting to be put down. Well, in her first month, Magnolia has hardly cried and 95% of the time doesn't mind being put down anywhere, anytime. She squawks sometimes when we're changing her, and starts to make noises when she's hungry... but I think she's only actually cried maybe 3 times? And every time it stopped as soon as she was more comfortable. One of the biggest perks for me is that since Da...

After my first hospital visit at the beginning of December, my doctor thought it was best/safest to induce at 37 weeks.  I had some high blood pressure readings and with my history (taking so long/so much to get to that point), my doctor thought it was best to get baby here as soon as it was safe for her. I wholeheartedly agreed! I'm fairly surprised I made it to 37 weeks without going into labor naturally- especially after needing to get my cerclage out early due to bleeding/contractions at 32 and 34 weeks. But ultimately I'm happy I made it to 37, and that Magnolia had those extra few weeks to grow and develop. The date and time were set- December 29th. We spent the day relaxing, packing, and doing some last-minute preparations before checking into the hospital at 7pm. My first dose of induction medication (cytotec) was at 8:30pm. I started feeling contractions at 9:30, and by 11:00pm they started to get painful and were at least every 2 minutes. At some point they started pi...

I am extremely thankful that this pregnancy has been very uneventful up until the third trimester. After the years of infertility and loss leading up to this point, my coping skills were just not not strong enough to deal with much else. Unfortunately, there's been a bit of excitement and a few hospital visits over the last few weeks. The good news is that little Magnolia has had no issues and was not bothered at all by anything going on. I got up to pee at 4am (as one does in the third trimester) on Sunday December 5th. I was 32.5 weeks pregnant. And I saw bright red blood... which is very scary to see when you're pregnant. I woke up David and we went straight over to the ER after getting dressed. By 4:30am I was hooked up to monitors checking on both me and baby. I was extremely relieved to hear her heartbeat <3.  I was extremely stressed and had very high blood pressure. I couldn't feel them, but according to the monitor I was also having contractions every 3-4 minute...

I love names, and I've had a name list for years... long before I got married. :)  The list has of course changed over time, but during our years of infertility we had a lot of time to think and had some girl names we were pretty set on. We have boy names we like too, but for some reason they've always been harder. We didn't find out that Christian was a boy until the 20 week ultrasound, so we had been debating both girl and boy names for him for months. Getting pregnant with this baby just 3 months after our devastating loss made me want a fresh start. So although there are names we've loved, carefully considered and debated for years... it felt right to choose a name that we never considered for our first baby. One of the first bright spots/glimpses of hope for the future I felt was on our trip to the south in March. Magnolia Plantation (just outside of Charleston, South Carolina) was one of the most beautiful places we had ever visited.  I remember sitting on a bench...

It has been such a long road to get here. When this baby is born, it will be right around the 5 year mark of trying to have children. We were 24 and 27 when we started trying and will be 29 and 32 when we {hopefully} finally get to bring a child home.  So much waiting and heartbreak, so many tears and needles. 276 needles, to be exact (that's the amount of shots it took in the last year to get to this point).  'Rainbow baby' is a term for a baby born after a loss, which inspired this little art project made with some of said needles. I filled up all of these sharps containers in 1 year! This baby's story actually started in July of 2020. We ended up with 3 precious embryos from our first round of IVF, and this baby was one of them!  Our extra embryos are all frozen until we're able to transfer them and hope and pray that they stick around. It's kind of cool to think about how this baby was already created and waiting since last year. <3 We knew immediately af...

Last February, my water broke at 21 weeks and 1 day. I found out our son was dead at 21 weeks and 2 days. I gave birth to him at 21 weeks and 3 days. Today, I am 21 weeks and 4 days pregnant with our daughter. It should go without saying that it's been kind of an emotional and stressful week. On Thursday, at 21 weeks and 1 day, I felt so much anxiety every time I went to the bathroom (that's where my water broke).  I still check for blood every single time I go to the bathroom. I still worry with every tiny twinge or feeling in my stomach, trying to work out if it's similar to the pressure feeling I had before my water broke. It's a lot emotionally. I'm barely past that point, but I'm relieved and happy to be past it. It comforts me to know that within days (at 22 weeks), my daughter would at least have a chance at survival and if there were to be any kind of complications they could hospitalize me to give more care. Before 22 weeks, they're not willing to h...

Friday was a big day, and we're very thankful for how it went! First of all, at 19 weeks I am at least halfway to the finish line.  For various medical reasons my doctors don't want me to go past 38 weeks... so the latest this baby will be here is January 5th!!! Of course, with a history of preterm labor there's a chance it could be earlier... which I am fine with as long as it's at a safe time for the baby of course. We had the big anatomy scan last week and David was able to get off work early and come with me. It amazes me how detailed this scan is. Even though the baby is about the size of a banana, they can zoom in and see so much. They went through the whole body and looked at and measured the brain, heart, arms, legs, fingers, toes, stomach, liver, kidneys, and more. I felt more and more relief as they went through each body part and everything looked normal.  At our "for fun" non-medical ultrasound a month ago, we found out she's a girl. And this u...