The dreaded three letter word

Ok, it's not actually 3 letters. It's 20 if you spell it out.

IVF! We're doing it. It's simultaneously really horrible and really incredible.

One week ago we had a very intense, informative, and overwhelming consultation about starting the process.

I'm glad I had the day of the appointment off of work, because that day and the whole weekend afterwards were a wild roller coaster of emotions.

The best way I can describe it "a lot."

We were given a long checklist of the different steps and how to proceed. A summary:

-Another round of testing (blood tests, ultrasound)
-A class on how to give yourself shots
-4-6 weeks of medication (3 shots a day and more)
-Egg retrieval, a surgery for me
-Transfer of an embryo (hopefully)

It's even more complicated than it seems. Before getting started I need to do even more testing and make sure all of my blood tests are good. If there are no problems there, I need to have an ultrasound to check on something they saw last year. If that's a problem, then I need to have ANOTHER surgery.

If that all goes according to plan, I start the medication. If that goes well, they'll do an egg retrieval and try to get as many as possible. Then an embryologist mixes me and David together in a lab. If that goes well, we will have embryos. If we end up with at least one, then we will transfer it. If that goes well, we will finally be parents.

Can you see what word I absolutely hate in all of this? IF.

There are so many variables, so many things that could go wrong.

At the same time, this is going to give us the best chance possible. The odds are approximately 50% that we'll bring home a baby from this ordeal. As a pessimist, I have the tendency to focus on the 50% of people that go through this all for nothing. But, it feels good to at least be actively doing something that will give us a shot.