Bébé Maybe

 They told us at the hospital that my water had broken and there were only 1 in a million odds that he would be okay. I was only 21 weeks and 2 days.  Every doctor we talked to thought that my body was starting to go into labor and told us that he would most likely be born alive but die soon afterwards. They do not attempt resuscitation until after 22 weeks. What horrified me the most (besides the loss of my beloved child, obviously) was the prospect of watching him die. Would we have to watch him gasp for air? Would he be in pain? The entire situation was awful, but that seemed like too much to handle. I had never prayed so hard in my life, begging for his survival. But I had a strong feeling that he wasn't going to make it. So I changed my prayers. On the way home from the hospital, I started praying that if he was going to pass away, that it could be peaceful, we wouldn't have to witness it, that the situation would be over with as quickly as possible. I kid you not, I...

As it was happening it was at times scary, stressful, discouraging, tiring, and extremely painful. But then as soon as it was over and I was holding baby Rosalie, one of my first thoughts was "That wasn't so bad, I could do that again!."  Those hormones are powerful haha. Also, I have cute babies and life doesn't get any better than cuddling your very own brand new adorable newborn. I was very happy to make it to my induction date. I spent my entire pregnancy worrying about preterm labor (because of my history). It is an amazing blessing to make it to full-term and to give my baby the best chance at being healthy. My planner side also really likes having a scheduled date to have everything perfectly ready by. We checked into the hospital at 5am on September 5th, 2023 after spending the day before, Labor Day (ironic lol), putting the final touches on the nursery and cleaning the house. I was 37 weeks and 3 days pregnant, and it was 9 months to the day of our January 5t...

I knew a cute little girl with this name at church in Israel.  A few years later, our first apartment as a married couple was on a street with the same name. I would see it and hear the name over and over again and liked more over time. This was back in early 2017, when we first started trying to have kids. I wasn't working (no work visa) and didn't know anyone in Cannes, so besides our weekend travels my thoughts during the week when I was alone all day were pretty much consumed with having a baby. I would get my hopes up every month, get excited and start daydreaming about being a mom. And this was the name I imagined for our little girl. David wasn't on board at the time because he thought it sounded "too French." It took a few years of convincing. Hidden benefit of infertility: plenty of time for David to come around. I always thought my first daughter would have this name, but she ended up being our Magnolia. If you don't remember, you can read the story ...

 Dear Rosalie, I think that's who you are. I hope that's who you are. We love you so much already! I'm so thankful for the beautiful two lines that I saw on the test yesterday. I can't believe that we have a chance to have you and bring you home in 9 months. How amazing.  Please keep growing and be healthy. Your mom, dad, sister, grandparents, and more are so excited to meet you and we hope we get the chance to.

Excited and terrified. Hopeful and pessimistic. Looking forward to it and dreading it. I feel so many conflicting emotions as trying IVF again gets closer. I'm not sure how the timing will work out, but it's possible that I could be going back to the clinic to get the process started for another transfer in 3 weeks or less. I'm in such a happy bubble with my precious Magnolia that I don't think I clearly remember all of the awful parts about IVF and pregnancy. The needles, the invasive procedures, the nausea... but above all, the extreme stress wondering if my baby will make it. ... The day is here! I've been back to the clinic for a hysteroscopy, baseline scan, and then a final lining check. My ultrasounds and blood work have looked good, and I started meds a few weeks ago. Today is the day of our fourth embryo transfer. I feel so ready for another sweet baby, but I don't think I could ever feel fully ready for the stress that comes with attempting to get pregn...

There is absolutely no competition- 2022 was the best year of our lives. We brought home our precious baby on January 1st, and every day since then has been full of love, happiness, and gratitude to have this amazing little person. Everything she does is cute. We delight in being her parents and we feel incredibly lucky. It was so, so hard to have a baby. It was a very stressful, years long battle. And then... we were blessed with the perfect child.  Magnolia is so smart, beautiful, funny, and happy.  At 12 months old, Magnolia is starting to talk more and more. Her most said words are Mama, no, and uh oh. There is also lots of adorable baby talk babbling. She's not walking on her own yet, but I can tell she's getting very close!  One of her favorite things to do is clapping. She likes to clap for herself and will join in if she sees anyone else clap. She just learned how to wave on our recent Paris trip (from people waving at her on the metro), and now likes to wave hell...

Wow, we're so close to one full year of this amazing baby! This month's highlights include- *Magnolia's first Halloween! She was Little Red Riding Hood (with Poppy playing the role of Grandma haha), and of course looked adorable. We drove around to friend's and family's houses to show off their cute costumes. *A big trip out west to Las Vegas, the Hoover Dam, St. George, Zion's National Park, and then family time in Orem to meet her great-grandparents. It was a great week and Magnolia was a great travel buddy. She loves people watching and is a very easy-going traveler. *SHE SAID MAMA!! It happened while we were in Utah and it absolutely melted me. She was a bit clingier than normal amid all of the new situations and people and didn't always appreciate when I left the room. One day we thought she said "Ma" when I stepped into the kitchen, and the next day she said a very clear (and sad) "Mama" as I was closing the bathroom door and leavin...